Successful marriage through Islam: part-one
[Successful marriage through Islam: part-one]
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The Messenger of God said, The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. *The best of you are those who are the best to their women. *The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith. *How can a Muslim husband be good to his wife? *He should smile, not hurt her emotionally, remove anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with her.
“And among His signs is this that He has created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them; and He has put love and mercy between you. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Quran 30:21)
By getting married you are not just getting a wife/husband, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife/husband will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
They will share your moments, your days, and your years. Thhe will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, they will take the best care of you; when you need help, they will do all they can for you;
When you have a secret, they will keep it; when you need advice,*they*will give you the best advice. They*will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be theirs; during the day,*they*will be with you, if for a moment*they*is not with you by their physical body, they will be thinking of you, praying for you with all their heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be them; and when you are asleep you will still see them in your dreams. In short, they will be your whole world. *
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).
Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.
Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife."
The wife's obligations - the husband's rights.
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One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and happiness of the marriage. She should be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband and vice-versa. The Quranic Ayah which illustrates this point is:
"Our Lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the coolness of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"
The wife should be trustworthy and honest. She cannot deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding conceiving. She should not have any sexual intimacy with anyone other than her husband. She should not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. She shouldn't dispose of his belongings without his permission.
A wife should make herself attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife should not refuse her husband without reason as this may lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband, of course, should take into account the wife's health and consideration of circumstances.
The wife's rights - the husband's obligations.
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(1) Maintenance
The husband is responsible for the wife's maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Quran and Sunnah. It is inconsequential whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security.
The wife's maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must provide for her where he resides himself according to his means. The wife's lodging must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The Prophet is reported to have said: "The best Muslim is one who is the best husband."
(2) "Mahr"
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without Mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Quran. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the bride's parents pay the future husb
and to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.
(3) Non-material rights.
A husband is commanded by the law of God to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The Prophet's Last Sermon stresses kindness to women.
To be continued...
- Researched from different web pages.
